There’s a thought experiment known as Schrödinger’s cat. Imagine a cat, a flask of poison, and a source of radiation connected to a Geiger counter are put in a sealed box. The experiment says until you open the box, the cat is both alive and dead.
Ambiguous grief can feel like that. Family members of the 6.9 million Americans living with Alzheimer’s experience it, but there are other causes. It makes you feel like your loved one is with you and yet not with you at the same time.
Read on to learn more about this unique sensation and its relationship to assisted living for seniors in Roswell, GA.
What’s Ambiguous Grief?
Research PHD Pauline Boss coined the term ambiguous grief in the 1970s. She came up with it while researching the families of soldiers missing in action in the Vietnam War.
She originally called it boundary ambiguity but then changed it to ambiguous grief. It’s used to describe grief that doesn’t offer closure. There are two major types.
Type 1
The first type refers to a physical loss. A loved one is present in your mind but not with you physically.
This was present in the missing soldier cases Pauline examined. Other examples include:
- Missing or abducted children
- Loved ones whose bodies were never recovered
- Children given up for adoption
Type 2
The second type refers to psychological losses. A loved one is physically present but emotionally or mentally absent.
One of the most common examples is Alzheimer’s or dementia-related grief. Anything that makes a loved one emotionally distant could also cause it, including:
- Addiction
- Mental illness
- Traumatic brain damage
Signs and Symptoms
Everyone reacts to ambiguous grief differently depending on their situation and emotional makeup. However, there are common signs to look out for.
Ambiguous grief creates feelings such as:
- Low mood
- Numbness
- Anger
- Anxiety
- Isolation
- Guilt
- Confusion
- Feelings of being misunderstood
These mental signs aren’t the only things to look out for. Grief can affect the body as well. Physical symptoms to look out for include:
- Chronic pain
- Digestive issues
- Sleeplessness
All of these effects mirror the symptoms of depression, which makes it important to distinguish between the two.
Managing Ambiguous Grief
Ambiguous grief isn’t a linear path you walk down and eventually feel better. There’s no way to know for sure how long it will last or how it will affect you.
Start by accepting your feelings and then using strategies to deal with them.
Acceptance
Giving a name to your feelings can help you deal with them. Recognize them as ambiguous grief.
Once you’ve accepted the condition, you can work on the most challenging part of all. Accept the ambiguous nature of your grief.
You may have a loved one in memory care in Roswell, GA. Their problems have expanded to the point where they’ve forgotten you. You’re unsure of how to feel.
The problem can also appear if your loved one is in assisted living in Roswell, GA. They may have entered the community with limited memory problems that worsen over time. You’ll have to learn to accept the uncertain nature of their condition.
Use Mindfulness
Mindfulness is a habit of recognizing your emotions but not labeling them as positive or negative. You learn to sit with them until they pass.
It improves emotional well-being for seniors and their loved ones. It keeps emotions from becoming overwhelming.
Practice Self-Care
Self-care is necessary at all times, and it’s essential for managing ambiguous grief.
Eat a healthy diet and exercise. Give yourself a break when you need to. It’ll give you the mental and physical energy to deal with the difficult emotions the process brings up.
Avoid Comparisons and “Either-Or Thinking”
The ambiguous nature of your grief can make you question everything. You may ask, “Am I still married to my spouse with Alzheimer’s, or should I move on?”
The solution is to accept the uncertain, contradictory nature of your situation. Think in terms of and, as in, your loved one is present and yet gone.
Don’t compare your situation to anyone else’s. It doesn’t matter if you include those who experienced a physical death. Your emotions are just as valid.
Try Ceremonies or Writing Closure Letters
Anticipatory grief blocks you from closure, but there are ways to feel something close to it.
Closure letters let you put down all your unspoken, hard-to-understand words onto paper. Write down anything you wish you could say to them. Imagine reading it aloud to them.
These letters can be an essential part of the grieving process. They help you express your unsure, contradictory emotions on paper so they don’t well up inside you anymore.
You may even benefit from holding a ceremony for the one you’re grieving. Hold a metaphorical memorial. Volunteer or plant a tree in their name.
Re-Story Your Grief
Re-storying grief is narrative therapy. It allows you to essentially rewrite the story of your grief.
The process lessens the powerful hold on your life. It helps you stop missing the way the story of your life used to be and accept the way it is now.
Join Support Groups
Find groups offering grief support for caregivers and others who are in the same in-between place that you are. They can validate your feelings and remind you that you’re not alone.
Giving your time to advocacy groups can also make you feel empowered. Find those fighting against your grief’s cause and see how you can help them.
Other mental health resources for caregivers and seniors include hotlines and websites. For more help, try professional therapy or medication.
Get Support with Senior Living in Roswell, GA
Ambiguous grief is a unique sensation where a loved one is both with you and not with you. They may be missing physically. With memory conditions such as Alzheimer’s, they may not be emotionally present anymore.
TerraBella Roswell has been providing senior living in Roswell, Georgia, since 2002. We offer assisted living and memory care on a single campus to allow for a smooth transition. Browse our senior living options today.
